May 2013
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Anonymous asked: You forgot a Friday night smooches post again :(
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(I work in a Coffee Shop. I was on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)
Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”
(The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)
Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”
Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”
(The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)
Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”
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We can’t jump off bridges anymore because our iPhones will get ruined. We can’t...
– Jeremy Glass, We Can’t Get Lost Anymore
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rebeccacrane:
you know what’s cool
when you’re so used to a certain person’s voice that you can imagine them saying anything even if the person has never said that before
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heartbeatofatwentysomething:
“Now, it’s better than a fairy tale. It’s like a long book that you never want to end and you’re fine with that because you never want to leave it.”
“Like Harry Potter?”
“Yep. Like Harry Potter.”
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sherlocksmyth:
sherlocksmyth:
one time my religion teacher who has a monobrow asked me “what the hell did you do to your hair?” because i had a blonde streak through it and i said “what the hell did you do to your eyebrow” and he sent me outside
when i came back in he asked everyone what monotheism was and i said it meant a religion that worshiped one god because mono means one as in...
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youwishangelfish:
Imagine reading a book of every conversation where people have spoken about you.
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Dear Heart,
Don’t get attached. Remember how well that worked out last time?
Sincerely, Brain.
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I was drawn to all the wrong things: I liked to drink, I was lazy, I didn’t have...
– Charles Bukowski, Women
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